SighAndMuse: DEFEATED THOUGHTS

I remember that day when i wrote my first ever blog. It was a sad day. Today is, too. For 2 years, I wasn’t able to post anything. For one thing, I was lazy to do anything. As we speak, mom is talking about my lack of action once again towards my career path; plans for the future. Those stuff. Unlike ‘that’ day, i’m kind of agreeing with her now. I’m pissed because she has the exact truthful words of my lack of interest about the future.

Mom: You have the talent and skills yet you chose not to hone them. You waste your time on things stupid and unnecessary, though elicits entertainment and amusement, but surely won’t help you move from that spot where you have been stagnant for 3 years now.

Me: (Inside my head) Totally agree with you mom. I’m pissed with what you are saying. They’re true and I’m guilty. Guilty as heck. I always love writing. But never gave time to accomplish something with it. Reasons? Maybe alibi or excuse is more appropriate. The list is long. And it’s a stupid list. the gist? I just never really tried harder. A liitle obstacle is enough reason for me to stop. Mom is right in saying that I wasted a lot of chances, effort, and especially time. It’s alarming to know that at the of 26, i haven’t accomplish anything praise worthy , yet. There are a lot of 21 year-olds out there who have accomplished greater things than me. More thoughts: (with a long sullen face) “I HOPE IT’S NOT YET TOO LATE FOR ME. SORRY.”

-dying-

Confusions Amid Holy and Unholy Matters

Tears are just now… but you o faithful and righteous God promised your children a happy ending. Dying is not the ending, living is the beginning.

What’s for Today (1)

I’m panting. It’s like I’ve been running the whole day, when all I did was tweak phone apps. Tweak, tweak, tweak…

Literally I’m panting. My lungs’s heavy. So less oxygen. Catching my breath… I don’t know… I can’t tell, who, what, I’m running from. I’m tired…

PRAYER:
God,
You have always been mysterious. And your timing is perfect. I will take refuge in you Lord. None will be lost when I invest this strength left in you. I may not be able to explain the happenings now but I believe I am safe. The running will be over soon.
I may be panting, as if chasing or being chased, but doesn’t change the fact that my heart rests in you. You are the reward that i’ll be winning. Eternal reward… and so the race continues. Amen.

VERSE:
Psalm 15:1and4b
“Lord, who may dwell in your sanctuary? Who may live on your holy hill?
[He] who keeps his oath even when it hurts,”

🙂

human; humane?

im trying to understand my thoughts so im writing them down… the role of words; they’re the painted picture of thoughts.

we wanna try to build a reason for a season invest for a mission and realized it’s just for treason that a person is investing and proving that he’s worth anything but truly he’s nothing but continues hating trying to tag along another miserable heart. it’s a betrayal of hope and life and love for the sake of self ambition… humans…

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James 1:19

¹⁹ My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry,

i’ve learned a lot today. the best part was when i tried holding back the words i wanna spill out, and i oh so did! i chose to hold my tongue cause i know butting  in won’t lighten the burden that already weighed down around everybody’s neck. if i was my old self, i wouldn’t be able to do that. and when i try to look back or reflect how my day has turned out, i can’t help but embrace jubilation. i simply want changes in my life. seriously, right now? really desperate of it; my attitude for the most part. and seeing how i reacted, which was calmly, i say i had pinned it down hard right there. it’s just really amazing guys how things were going on today, especially knowing that my development is really kind of sluggish. can’t say more here but want Jesus to show me more 🙂

“Don’t write out of jea…

“Don’t write out of jealousy but write and make things happen.” – me

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U N I N T E R E S T E D

things are becoming uninteresting.

trying to evade the most important thing.

somehow You will lead me to the C O R E.

🙂

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yes, nothing’s impossible with God but is it meant to be?

none-comes-up

“Sometimes you come up against a mountain and you end up making the mountain seem bigger than God.” Jeremy Lin

Luke 17:7-10

⁷ “Suppose one of you has a servant plowing or looking after the sheep. Will he say to the servant when he comes in from the field, ‘Come along now and sit down to eat’? ⁸ Won’t he rather say, ‘Prepare my supper, get yourself ready and wait on me while I eat and drink; after that you may eat and drink’? ⁹ Will he thank the servant because he did what he was told to do? ¹⁰ So you also, when you have done everything you were told to do, should say, ‘We are unworthy servants; we have only done our duty.’”

 What I really got from this passage is our mindset for rewards and/or positive appraisals in our duties as Christians. Mark verse 9,‘Will he thank the servant because he did what he was told?’ The same thing with my relationship with Christ. I do what I am told and shouldn’t expect God to thank me. He blessed me with the desire to serve him, so I grabbed the opportunity. It’s not like he forced me in it. And it also goes to serving my fellow beings. I tend to seek thank yous, praises like ‘oh you’re kind,’ or ‘oh you’re good’, ‘oh, you have a good heart, ‘oh you, you, you, you…’ Gosh. Makes me good looking, right? What if there’s no such positive remarks? Will I continue doing my duties? It’s a sad fact that I only embrace God if he would give me what I want. If he makes me feel and look better. But what if he won’t? What if he will allow me to experience the worst in my journey with him? Can I still guarantee a firm commitment with him? No. I can’t!

So I’ll stop chasing after remarks and rewards. I’ll let them chase me instead. Jesus defines me, he defines my faith. If indeed I do all things for him, then having him as my reward is more than enough. Yes he greatly rewards. It’s part of who he is, and He willingly does what he do. So why bother. All I need is Jesus.

Like him, let’s do everything out of love. It’s called duty, but acted upon love. It is our duty to serve God and his people. When we accepted him as our personal Lord and Savior, we are also entitled to follow his commandments that are summarize in two in Matthew 22:37-40. But remember, done with love, expecting nothing in return, or else, we’re done!

God bless you with heart and wisdom 🙂